They should really pass out barf bags in church
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
