there's paper in my vomit.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
