i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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