It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
