everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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