I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
