So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
