so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Semen is not good for contacts.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
