Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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