Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
