you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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