I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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