i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
