dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
