I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
