I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
