On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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