Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Randomize
