I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
