I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
