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when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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