thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
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It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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