I can't breathe out the right side of my face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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