she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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