I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
