you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
