How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
