Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
