Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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