i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
