Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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