i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
