I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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