That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
