This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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