Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
