I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
