She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
