So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize