Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
