yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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