She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
