she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
