I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
