So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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