3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
