oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
