i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
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I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
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Who died my cat blue again?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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