My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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