Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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