I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
