I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
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