Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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