...so i touched it.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
