The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
