my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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