Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
