someone threw a dead crab at me
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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