he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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