At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!