I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
