There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
