I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??