Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That Theyâ€™ll Regret Forever
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesnâ€™t Understand
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?