I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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