Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
