If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim