I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
