Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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