Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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