i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
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We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
my liver is dry heaving
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard