ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing