You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This can only be settled by a dance off.