Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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