The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
