woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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