I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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