I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
