Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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