i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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