i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
