tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
