I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
